Over the past several years, we have heard so much about self care. I have witnessed so many friends and colleagues either self-destruct or burnout. At the absolute worst, we all have heard, or witnessed, so many take their own lives. It is so tragic. I understand what it is like to feel like everything is caving in. Several years ago, I was at an absolute breaking point in my life. I know what it is like to say out loud, “My family is better off without me.” Many of you may not be able to understand how someone can come to a point like that in life. I pray you never have that experience. What a dark place! If you would have told me as a young 26-year-old beginning his journey in ministry that I would one day be at the edge of breakdown and would contemplate taking my own life, I would have laughed it off.
We know the scriptures:
“If God is for us, who can ever be against us?”
Romans 8:31
“O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.”
Psalm 62:8
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
“But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Matthew 22:37-39
For years, I have memorized and studied these truths to plant in my heart. But when you read Jesus’ command to love God and love people as yourself in Matthew 22:37-39 … What am I supposed to do with that command? I understand loving God with all my heart. I understand loving people, but to love others as myself brings something with a deeper meaning. It gets really messy to dig deep and ask probing questions. What do I really love about me? Is it my attitude, my looks, my body, my talent, the color of my eyes, my hair, my speech (I could go on and on)?
Psalm 139:13-14 tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. You and I are sons and daughters because we have been adopted by King Jesus. Jesus paid the ultimate penalty to purchase you. WOW!
As I struggled with my life’s meaning and my reason to be here, I had to get back to understanding how to love me. When we look at Matthew 22:37-39 again, it shows us that when you love yourself properly, as Jesus did, our love for others is displayed by how we love ourselves. There is no other place to find it than in Scripture. I had to go back to the life of Jesus. Jesus lived a life who knew how to love himself without arrogance, pride, and self—without ego.
One example can be found in Mark 1:35, “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” Jesus set the example. Jesus went out to talk with his father. It was the Father who spoke when Jesus was baptized saying, “this is my Son in whom I am well pleased.” He didn’t struggle with identity, he knew who he was. He didn’t belittle himself in his speech. He went to the one place where he was reminded he was one with the Father. He spent time, for hours, in that solitary place to receive exactly what he needed. You and I can do the same. Find that place to go, and pray. We can take our thoughts and our struggles to God and gain an awareness that can lead us to a better relationship with ourselves.
Another example is to look at the fruit on our tree. What fruit do you see? It can be shame, guilt, or unforgiveness. Jeff Vanderstelt gave a really good exercise to get to the bottom of your fruit. He called it Fruit to Root. Ask the following questions and answer them honestly:
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Who am I? Worthless.
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What has God done? I am not worth anything and he doesn’t care about me.
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Who is God? If I can’t love me then how can God love me?
The fruit that is self, and even rotten, should lead us to repentance. Then repentance leads us to confessions of the faith, and should reframe our answers to those questions.
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Who am I? Fearfully and wonderfully made, I am a child of the King.
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What has God done? He paid the price for my worth, value, and life.
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Who is God? Creator, he loves me, he has adopted me.
This simple exercise points us back to Scripture to find how valuable we really are to God. We find our worth in him and what he says about us. We have to constantly be reminded of the transformation in our life. We are a new creation. We are told we are to renew our mind. The Holy Spirit transforms the old fruit to new fruit. Ephesians 4:22-24 tells us “to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created in the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” When we see the fruit the Spirit produces, we can rest in his love and we can love ourselves.
It took almost two (2) years to finally grasp and cling to the truth that Jesus loved me. I had to surrender what I could not control in my life. I had to remind and renew my mind of the truth of his love for me. I could not do this on my own. It was a total overhaul in my life that only the Spirit could do. Now, I can say that loving God and loving people as myself has been a beautiful work the Lord has done in my life.
Recently, I came to face a great change in my life. On July 3, 2023, I suffered a stroke. I currently walk with a limp, literally. I work several hours a day to get my right leg and right arm to fully function again, but I do not walk the same. My leg does not move correctly. My hand and arm still do not function like before. Being a guitar player, it is like having an accomplished musician in my left hand and a beginning guitar player in my right hand. Yet, because I faced that challenge many years before, I was able to say, in spite of this greater challenge, “Lord, if this is as good as it gets I will still praise you. If I lead with a limp, I will be reminded of your goodness and I know you love me the same. I embrace my new normal and am confident in who and whose I am.”
This outlook is a major shift from before because if God loves me, then I can love me. Many times we will struggle with loving ourselves. Maybe we need to keep singing the song we sang as children,
Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to him belong, they are weak but he is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me for the Bible tells me so.
Yes, he loves me. Yes, he loves you. Now take time to get alone with God in your quiet place, rest in him and let a love for yourself be brought alive that will spill out into everyone around you.
This post originally appeared at: Jesus Loves Me, This I Know — The Bonhoeffer Project
Because of the importance of intentionality in disciple making, we at Discipleship.org are going to emphasize this skill set and mindset over the next four months. Please join with us and seek to share understanding, insight, and practical tools so that you can become skilled at intentionality in relational disciple making and you can help those on your team or in your leadership group to do the same. There are four ways in which we are emphasizing intentionality to help you in the next four months.
- Discipleship.org City Tour Forums – our four City Tour Forums are designed to help you and your team both understand and develop an intentionality posture. The tour is comprised of one day, high impact forums where there will be teaching and round table discussions. Every attendee also gets a copy of Brandon Guindon’s new book, Intentional: Living Out the Eight Principles of Disciple Making.
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Take the FREE Individual Disciple Maker Assessment – we designed this assessment with a team of national and international disciple making leaders to help each individual be able to evaluate their disciple making mindset and skill. Just by taking this assessment, you will gain an appreciation for the value of intentionality, along with a sense of how you can increase your own level of intentionality. Click the image below to take the assessment.
- Read the short FREE book, Becoming a Disciple Maker: The Pursuit of Level Five Disciple Making – Bobby wrote this short eBook with statistician Greg Wiens to help you understand the mathematical and practical impact of one person’s disciple making efforts and skills.
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- Read Brandon Guindon’s book, Intentional: Living Out the Eight Principles of Disciple Making – Brandon wrote this Discipleship.org book and Zondervan is publishing, because the understanding and practice of disciple making is so crucial. Every attendee at each of our City Tour events (Nashville, Houston, Dallas and Raleigh), as mentioned above, will receive a FREE copy of Brandon Guindon’s book.
Click the image below to pre-order Brandon Guindon’s book from Amazon.com. Please join with us in this quest to better understand and practice intentionality. It will help us all to become more and more like Jesus, the world greatest disciple maker.