Young Men Grow Up When Older Men Show Up
Dear Discipleship-first Friends,
We are excited to share with you a powerful reflection on spiritual fatherhood and the urgent need for male presence in disciple making. My friend, Dr. Chris Harper (aka Harp), CEO of BetterMan, shares his passion for this truth in the following message… and Harp’s message aligns with the heart behind our upcoming One-Day Conference on September 11, 2025 in Dallas, Texas, Discipling Men. The Discipling Men event is hosted in partnership with BetterMan, RENEW.org, Discipleshship.org and Lake Church. This one-day gathering will focus on raising up and equipping men to lead the next generation in Christ. Through dynamic teaching, practical insights, and a call to spiritual leadership, this event is designed to help churches reclaim biblical discipleship—especially among men and boys who need it most. We hope you will make plans now to join us in Dallas, on September 11th as we take this important step forward together.
For King Jesus,
“If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”
– Isaac Newton
D.A. Carson, reflecting on the rise and fall of gospel fidelity, once observed:
“One generation believes the gospel, the next assumes the gospel, and the following generation denies it.”
If Carson is right (and I believe he is), then we are coming out of a long spiritual winter—a generation of denial—and standing on the cusp of Spring. The soil is softening. The ground is ready. There is a generation rising, ready to believe. Ready to receive the gospel. Ready to deepen their faith.
The question I have is… Who will lead them? Who will walk with them? Who will guide them “toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus…?” (Philippians 3:14)
Brothers—your presence matters.
If we’re going to reach the next generation of men—men who know Jesus, follow Jesus, and reproduce themselves in the lives of others—then presence is not optional. It is the first and most important step.
Let’s be clear: young men do not grow through YouTube lectures, stoic quotes, or trendy workouts. They grow when older men show up. When they’re invited into real life. When they are seen, coached, corrected, loved, and fathered.
“Young men grow up when older men show up.”
Rebuilding the Walls, One Boy at a Time
Dr. Anthony Bradley, a faithful brother and cultural observer, recently wrote:
“The 1950s/1960s youth model—designed to entertain teenagers and keep them out of ‘grown up’ church—is failing our young men… It wasn’t built for the current crisis of boys and men… We must demand better.”
Amen. It’s time to rethink everything.
Teenage boys don’t need a 25-year-old “cool guy” with pizza and beanbags. They need elders. Fathers. Men.
They need someone to walk with them, correct them, and remind them who they are. They need real male presence forming them in the way of Christ—in real time—as they build something, eat together, open the Word, fix a broken fence, mourn a loss, pray through pain, or learn to love their mothers and sisters well.
That’s what the Bible commands.
That’s what the data shows.
That’s what the modern church has failed to deliver.
We Owe Them Better
If we are serious about the crisis of fatherlessness and the collapse of male maturity, the church must take two bold, urgent steps:
- Train the Fathers
Not just preach at them. Train them. Don’t merely call them to “be better dads.” Form them. Walk with them. Build a culture where men are shaped into spiritual, intellectual, and emotional leaders at home—especially those who never had fatherhood modeled for them.
Let every man in your church know this: you are not alone. You’re surrounded by brothers. And we are in this together.
- Embed the Boys
Stop treating boys like a separate category of Christian. They are not pre-Christians. They are not a problem to manage. They are not spiritual outsiders until they “grow up.”
They are sons of the covenant. And when we isolate them from the full life of the church, when we ignore their need for formation by their fathers and elder men, we deny what their baptism declares.
Let them in. Now.
Not when they’re 18. Not when they’re “ready.”
Let them in to worship, to work, to be trained. Bring them close to the fire.
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
It’s Time for a New Normal
The adolescent male brain was never meant to be discipled by influencers. It was meant to be formed in the forge of intergenerational faithfulness—in a community of men who show up, speak truth, and stay put.
If we want to see a generation of young men grow up in Christ, it starts with older men showing up and stepping in. It starts with building real brotherhood. It starts with the church meaning what it says at baptism—and proving it through discipleship.
Presence is not optional. It’s covenantal.
The future is not in better youth programming. It’s in better men.
So, what are we going to do about it?
It’s time to believe again.
It’s time to build again.
It’s time to raise up a generation that stands—because we knelt to teach them how.
For the next generation. For the King,
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