Intentional – Listening to Understand

In my own journey of discipleship, I’ve come to realize the profound impact of intentional listening and thoughtful questioning in developing deep connections and journeying through spiritual growth. James 1:19 serves as a guiding principle, urging us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger—a lesson that continues to shape my approach to disciple making. But embracing these practices hasn’t always been easy; it’s been a journey of self-discovery and transformation.

For me, intentional listening has meant learning to quiet my own thoughts and agendas, and it’s trying to tune in to what the person I’m walking alongside really needs. I’ve had to resist the urge to jump in with solutions or advice and instead practice the art of empathetic listening, allowing their words to penetrate my heart. It’s about creating a space where they feel seen, heard, and valued—a space where they can authentically express their joys, struggles, and questions without fear of judgment. This journey has taught me humility and empathy, reminding me that true discipleship begins with understanding.

Listening to understand has been a lifelong learning process for me. Looking back, I see moments where I wish I’d done better, especially with my family. In the whirlwind of raising kids and grandkids, I was often too caught up in my own world to truly listen and understand theirs.

Learning to really listen means putting aside my own stuff and tuning into what someone else is saying. It’s about creating a space where they feel safe to share their highs and lows, doubts, and dreams. But honestly, it’s been tough. My upbringing didn’t make it any easier. My dad was a tough ex-Marine, and in our house, when my dad said jump, we started jumping. We didn’t talk things out; we followed orders. In our house, discussions were rare; obedience was the norm. Reflecting on those times, I realize how this influenced me, shaping me into someone who tended to speak rather than listen.

Scriptural Reflection Questions:

How does James 1:19 challenge the way you relate to others?
Can you think of a time when you missed an opportunity to really listen? What would you do differently now?
How does your upbringing affect the way you communicate with others, especially in matters of faith?

As I continue this journey, I’m reminded that it’s not about having all the answers; it’s about being there for each other and listening to understand.

This post originally appeared at: Intentional – Listening to Understand – Relational Discipleship Network (rdn.org)